I got angry for the 1st time, really

Holy cow. I have been maxed out. It seems that no matter how many time I count my blessing I find myself stressed to the brim. I feel like I am doing everything textbook correctly. I am working out semi-regularly (maybe over doing it here and there with a breaks sometimes). I am taking time to read. I reward myself with my fav coffee order to celebrate mild achievements along the way. I am using this Lent time to be more prayerful. I have scaled back any talk about work when I get home, even if the day was super. I check-in with myself before agreeing to take on another task. I am eating healthy.

Why am I so darn stressed. I know how this sounds. But I feel like things are going swimmingly, yet I have the apprehension that a shoe is going to drop. Lately, the shoe is me. I just drop. I have been tearful. I have been moody. I have even backed out on the all the aforementioned healthful things I do because I am to mentally drained for self-care.

Today, for the first time, I was angry. Correction, I was screaming at no one angry. I have NEVER EVER expressed anger like this before. I get angry, but usually it comes out in tears and complaints. This was out of body ANGER. What I was angry about isn't even the point. Truly. I was actually blacked out form this anger. When I came to, I was baffled because I had no idea where my eyeliner was. It was in my hands. I blacked out throwing it. At least, this is what I assume happened.

I am shaken because I have NEVER experienced this before.

What can I do about this? This frightens me because, like I said, I am technically doing everything right.

I am making a lavish lasagna right now. Maybe this will help. JK