In a moment of tunnel vision and, yes, self-loathing bratiness, a friend came at me with this simple question. Something I have answered with exercise for stress, anxiety, depression, sleep, healthy living, schedule, physical and spiritual balance. Take that away and I am lost. Lost to my own thoughts that aren't always accurate. So, I am reflecting on this during this empty space of time I have found myself in.
We often hear the phrase "You can't love anyone else until you love yourself" but what does "Loving yourself" really mean? Seriously! I've researched this and have tentatively come up with the following.
- Loving yourself means taking care of your SELF. It means that you take responsibility for your well-being and happiness and figure out what you need to feel good. I am beginning to gain an appreciated for this seemingly obvious question of "What does "loving yourself" mean in real life?" Loving your "Self" means that you know how to take care of your Self. Taking care of your Self applies to both your physical and emotional self - You become your own caring, loving parent so to speak.
- Something I have learned years ago, and it feel necessary to add to this list, is that no one can fill that emptiness inside you - except for you. [Of course God is at the center of this, he knows you better then you know you.] Do not look to someone else to fill that "hole". It seems to me that if you are born a human, you will have a human struggle, and that struggle is about filling that emptiness inside. The emptiness that I have been feeling for the past month honestly. Every one of us deals with that emptiness and we are all faced with making peace with the process. EVERY ONE. When you expect someone else to make you happy, you are projecting your feelings of incompleteness on another and this will never work. Only you and you alone, can heal your Self. [With God's graces of course, or whom/whatever you call your higher power or Creator.]
- You attract to you who you really are - this is always accurate. We always get a good match for where we are at the moment. Look at whom you are attracting and take responsibility for that "pull". Take responsibility for whatever relationship you are in. Perhaps there's a lesson that needs to be learned. For me, I tend to push people away and that is exactly what I am feeling inside, nothing. I am learning about this and trying to change that.
- Ask yourself "What makes me feel good? What do I like?" You need to like yourself before you can love yourself. Figuring out what makes us feel good is a lifetime process. In order to do this, we cannot care what anyone else thinks and need to quiet all those other voices in our head other than our own. I've had that little voice as a young child living in Wapato and going to a private school in Yakima (don't fit in), going from private school to public school (awkward and unsure), going to college (identity is grades, nothing else), not having someone to teach me girly things like getting nails done, hair, make-up (your not good enough). Those little voices creep in even now. The mind needs to be quiet. If your mind is always going, always frantic, you will never be able to figure out who YOU are. I wouldn't say that I know know who I am but I am certainly learning who I am at various stages in life. Eliminate the words "should" and "ought" from your vocabulary. (When we say we "should" do something, it is usually the opposite of what we really feel like doing.) In learning about the delicate difference between feeling like I should do something to take care of myself and what I want and can do to take care of myself. I tend to focus on the shoulds that I get tunnel vision and miss the message that there are other ways to take care of myself.
