Hello-Goodbye 2011; Hello 2012 and 33 years around the sun
2011 wasn’t the best of years or the worst of years,
stamping it as a good year. Can’t complain about that blessing. The year
started with a juvenile exuberance marked by plunging ourselves into the bay
that we have called home since ’09. I think fondly of the memories Seth and I
have created together this year. (1) Our Honeymoon 3.0 in Los Cabos was a
dream. Glassing blowing,
snorkeling, and parasailing – oh my! We often pause and reminisce on our
memories from there. I loved organizing his surprise birthday doing Monkido in
the trees and getting dressed up for Halloween. Look forward to our dance party house cleaning and bumping into each other while making dinner. Funny/frustrating/mostly funny
conversations in relation to Seth’s affinity for old cars. (2) Attending my
sister-cousin Adriana’s wedding in Vegas was to the moon wonderful. I still
chuckle when I hear “A letter to the Philippians” at church. (3) Together Seth
and I have been regulars as Assumption. I feel that we have reaped the benefits
of humbling ourselves, and opening our hearts. Nothing compares to witnessing
that moment when the scripture has touched our heart right at the moment we
needed in a way only the Holy Spirit can do. (4) Starting therapy has also challenged
me in reflecting on living intentionally and being gentle with myself. It’s not
easy work. I believe this has helped me become a better therapist as well.
Currently, I’m working on the philosophy of self-compassion (which is different
than self-esteem), meditation, and being a human BEing (not a human DOing). This is another blog altogether. (5) It was with the encouragement of my
therapist that I took the plunge and got me the fancy camera I’ve always
wanted. Taking on photography has been tugging at my heart strings for years
and now I got to indulge even photographing a friends wedding with the
fantastic Daniel and an engagement photo session as well. “Why photography?”
because of deeply personal reasons. In short, it has helped me embrace the
beauty in others, things, place and … the intention…being more compassionate
with myself. (6) Hands down I’m not a “baby” person. Maybe it has something to
do with germs and bodily fluids. I’m half kidding here. For deeply personal
reasons, insights, and (yes) intention, this year Seth and I have being
following the strings tugging at our hearts to start a family. Along came some
medical/health blips, solidifying the direction of “alternative” treatments for
endometriosis. Ten months of 2011 have been filled with lots of physical pain
but also with massage therapy, physical therapy, and now leading us into 2012
with starting naturopathy. This is great timing (note the positive spin here)
because I’m at my prime in health. We have such faith in God’s plan for us and
our future family. So far, Seth and me and Po make three. (7) One focal trigger
for this (no, not my age), is watching my dear Shannon bring Mikayla into the
world. Words in a blog cannot encompass the grounding effect our friendship has
had and has on me. That moment when opening up to Shannon about my “baby issues,” and
her later gently, intentionally, sisterly, pushed Mikayla on me while she was
fussing (nay, crying). Her words are now etched on my heart, permanently
changing me. Shannon, “Your okay.” Me, “Yes, you are little one.” Shannon, “I
was talking to you.” My dear friend lost her mother this year and that pain
changes a person like, unfortunately, each of us will experience someday if we
haven’t all ready. Vicarious pain is real. Family isn’t defined by time, DNA,
distance. (8) 2011 was also marked with a reflection on friendships. Our lives
have been deepened by the people in our lives (old and new). I’m glad to say
that we really haven’t changed much: young, fun, curious, and steady. Indeed,
friendships are reflection of you. I have
enjoyed many more coffee dates than ever, which are so much more than coffee.
As Bethany says, it feeds the soul. Game nights aren’t about games. Camping
isn’t about camping. Dexter nights are about Dexter (okay, well Dexter is
pretty awesome). 5ks aren’t about 5ks. Monthly girls dinner isn’t about dinner.
Bookclubs aren’t just about bookclues. With busy lives, my friendships have
grown deeper around these activities that aren’t just about the activities.
It’s been a magnet for more like minded people. Example: my Team Awesome, Seth’s
newly forged FNST. Awesomeness breeds awesome. It has been great to connect with persons who have similar
drives toward healthful, honest, family-focused, self-improving, genuine,
adventurous, encouraging living. Thank you, Reatha, for teaching me "the four agreements”
(and so much more). Thank you, Misty, for teaching me to live in the gray (not
black and white) (and so much more). Can’t believe we gave blood!
My 2011 new years resolution started with
making fitness a focal part of my day-in day-out life. As I’ve mentioned in
previous blogs, fitness also boils down to self-worth. Something that was as
elusive as a pot of gold growing up. I’m still growing up. There is a place in the book of
Genesis, and the story of creation that says that God created the material
world, including our physical bodies, and pronounced them "very
good." Your body is a "good" and wonderful gift from God. It is
capable of miraculous feats, if properly taken care of. And with God the Holy
Spirit living inside your "temple" how can you not take care of it? Paul
said, "But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection ..."
(1Corinthians 9:27). The key word here is "discipline." Starting and
maintaining a proper diet and exercise program involves more than anything
else, discipline and caring enough for yourself. I’m proud to say that this year I
missed only 12 scheduled workout dates. My most fit, confident, content,
healthiest, stress free years of my life. This flies in the face of my first 30
years of (at times paralyzing) self-doubt, poor self esteem, shyness and lack
of confidence. One thing that rings true about me is my deep rooted thread of oppositional
defiance. Tell me I can’t handle math and I’ll complete pre-calc by my junior
year of HS; Tell me that I should have a plan B when applying to University and
I’ll graduate with my masters by the age of 24. I suppose I aimed for this
resolution in opposition to the ugly self-doubt I’ve carried with me for so
long that I nearly convinced myself that “that just me.” Through this journey
I’ve discovered clarity and concentration, reflection, enjoyment, cleansing,
better sleep, decreased anxiety, decreased depression, greater strength/endurance,
built confidence in nearly all areas of my life. Better self image and esteem was
simply a bi-product. It has taught me to be intentional in my choices. Asking
myself “Why am I scheduling this workout?” “Why am I meeting this friend for
coffee?” “Why do I go to bookclub?” “Why do I enter all my receipts tracking
our spending?” “Why am I cleaning the house?” “Why am I canceling this
appointment?” “Why do I post my workout schedule?” That is another blog altogether. The short answer is self-accountability, if I’m going to say I'm
going to do something in life I better follow through, if the girl who failed
HS PE and challenged the University on their required PE credit and wouldn’t
run unless I was late to class (maybe) can do this – anyone can.
Yes, Virginia, there is purpose and meaning behind new years
resolutions and bucketlistings.
I’m not sure what 2012 or 33 years young is gonna bring. But
if this year is any indication, I can’t complain.
This year I wish others abundance, challenge, stability, adventure, acceptance, and courage to shine their light by not compromising who they are.
Our Deepest Fear By Marianne Williamson
Our
deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our
deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It
is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your
playing small does not serve the world.
There
is nothing enlightened about shrinking
So
that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We
were all meant to shine, as children do.
It's
not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And
as we let our own light shine,
We
unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
As
we are liberated from our own fear,
Our
presence automatically liberates others.
