I Learned 5 Things While Sick

1. No matter how hard you try, you cannot rock the same outfit three days in a row. Yes, I had zero energy to change. Yes, that equates to me sleeping, being and staying in the same yoga pants, tank, and hoodie. While it was cute, said person in cute outfit gets less cute as the days roll on. Don't judge me.

2. There’s never a good time to be sick. But, sometimes, the timing sucks more than your vaccuum cleaner. Seriously, after day 4 of cabin fever and wet-cat version of anxiety about driving in the winter storm of 2012 - the snow and ice melts and I get sick going into a 3 days weekend?! Could be worse, much worse, but damn!

3. There is no justice when it comes to ailments and health. You know those stories about the healthy person getting a heart attack? Or the person who never tried drugs or such getting into an accident? My situation’s not as bad, admittedly. But, dang. I've been a vegetarian since I was 15. I've never smoked - anything, to clarify. Well, there was that time when David Ball in high school helped me become a smoker. After coughing and complaining that it burned my throat, he said "Ah, that goes away after a while." "I said, "Forget this! And I'd rather spend my lunch money on Subway." So, yes. I have my glass of wine every other week or so. I avoid fast food. I guzzle water. We make homemade meals and pack our healthy lunches. I take vitamins and strive for my 7 hrs of sleep a night. I went as far as getting a flu vaccine this year. I'm active 6 days a week. I'm even part of TEAM AWESOME! Nope, zero justice when it comes to nasty snotty viruses.

4. The best way to get through pain and illness is to find as many distractions as possible. Especially useful when you have no appetite at all. My utmost favorite distraction this past week? Sleep, sleep, and more sleep. I don’t remember sleeping so much! When I’m awake, I indulged in: Men of a Certain Age. Elevation Church (thanks Kristin!). Movies. Google-ing, Online shopping. Tweeting, something apparently I started and abandoned in 2010. Researching and Blogging on my three, yes three, blogs. And Facebook. There was some reading once I was  able to stay awake for longer than an hour at a time. Oh, and I was constantly thankful that I didn't have trees around to fall on my house. SUPER thankful that we had heat and electricity!!! I was sending out prayers to my friends and family who were without and not sure when PSE would get them lit up again? Counting my blessings and praying for others was a good distraction too. 

5. Friends and family rock. Big time. I’ve received so many messages well wishes. Texts and facebook well wishes. No calls, thankfully because I was out of it and sounded like a man. I was really truly motivated by this (not the sounding like a man piece). You see, in my moments of cabin-fever-crazy-thinking-mode, I sometimes wondered if anyone would notice if I disappeared from this planet for whatever reason (alien abductions, serial killer finds me better suited in his freezer). I mean, I know my immediate family and Seth would care a lot. But, how about other people who don’t see me everyday? Those who interact with me primarily via social media? Or just at work? Or during 5Ks? Would they care? It was amazing to see that there are people who WOULD – and DO – care enough when I’m not well. And, if they care enough when I’m not well, then I’d like to think that they’re also the folks who would care if I do disappear. Yes, that’s a bit overly dramatic, I know. But, hey… When you're stuck at home for this long, not knowing what’s going on, your life views do get magnified a bit more than usual. Let's just say that I'm an odd duck too. So, I said that this #5 motivated me. It motivated me to express my love and concern more often. Not that I don't. But to be more aware of showing my love and concern to friends and family when they're, not only ill, but when they are well. As a friend of mine once said, the best of friends are the ones who are happy for your happiness. I have a lot of happy friends. So I best roll up my sleeves and up the HAPPY! :)

Are you in Love?

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1 John 2:15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

Have you ever noticed that when people are in love, they tend to forget everything else? Everything becomes secondary — cars, houses, money — nothing matters — it is all secondary to love. Then, when they fall out of love, as in a divorce, all of a sudden those things mean everything! They argue about all the little meaningless things they ever owned together. Hmmm.

The same is true with Christ. Before we know Him, all we really have are possessions. But when we come to know God — truly know Him — those things mean very little — we're in love! We're willing to give up everything. Those people who are most in love with God and filled with His love are the least possessive and the least materialistic.

If we have been wrapped up in our possessions, we've lost sight of our greatest treasure! All that stuff means nothing. Let go of it. Return to your first love. Lighten your heart and fall in love again with the love of God!

Love Lives in Reality

“You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.” John 16:33

Unrealistic expectations lead to a life of disappointment and frustration. Few of us want to accept the fact that life can be hard. Though we see others struggling and hear them tell about their hardships, we think our life and marriage will be different. We hang on to idealistic assumptions about the way our partners will treat us, the kind of house we’ll live in, the good health we’ll always have. We don’t see much point in preparing for disappointment.

I am reminded that Jesus was certainly up-front with His disciples when it came to letting them know what to expect in life. And if we want to avoid the anger/hurt that flows from being disillusioned and exasperated with things – and with people, including our spouse – we will not insist on perfection in them. We will not base on moods on how things are going.  I pray that I better put my confidence on God, who never changes, and choose to be content with a life that can change from one moment to the next.

5 Regrets of the Dying <=== A MUST READ

by Bonnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called "comfort" of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is your life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
The direct link to the nurse who wrote this: http://www.dhammaweb.net/dhamma_news/view.php?id=455

Hello-Goodbye 2011; Hello 2012 and 33 years around the sun

Hello-Goodbye 2011; Hello 2012 and 33 years around the sun

2011 wasn’t the best of years or the worst of years, stamping it as a good year.  Can’t complain about that blessing.  The year started with a juvenile exuberance marked by plunging ourselves into the bay that we have called home since ’09.  I think fondly of the memories Seth and I have created together this year. (1) Our Honeymoon 3.0 in Los Cabos was a dream.  Glassing blowing, snorkeling, and parasailing – oh my!  We often pause and reminisce on our memories from there.  I loved organizing his surprise birthday doing Monkido in the trees and getting dressed up for Halloween.  Look forward to our dance party house cleaning and bumping into each other while making dinner.  Funny/frustrating/mostly funny conversations in relation to Seth’s affinity for old cars. (2) Attending my sister-cousin Adriana’s wedding in Vegas was to the moon wonderful.  I still chuckle when I hear “A letter to the Philippians” at church. (3) Together Seth and I have been regulars as Assumption.  I feel that we have reaped the benefits of humbling ourselves, and opening our hearts.  Nothing compares to witnessing that moment when the scripture has touched our heart right at the moment we needed in a way only the Holy Spirit can do. (4) Starting therapy has also challenged me in reflecting on living intentionally and being gentle with myself.  It’s not easy work.  I believe this has helped me become a better therapist as well. Currently, I’m working on the philosophy of self-compassion (which is different than self-esteem), meditation, and being a human BEing (not a human DOing).  This is another blog altogether. (5) It was with the encouragement of my therapist that I took the plunge and got me the fancy camera I’ve always wanted.  Taking on photography has been tugging at my heart strings for years and now I got to indulge even photographing a friends wedding with the fantastic Daniel and an engagement photo session as well. “Why photography?” because of deeply personal reasons. In short, it has helped me embrace the beauty in others, things, place and … the intention…being more compassionate with myself. (6) Hands down I’m not a “baby” person.  Maybe it has something to do with germs and bodily fluids.  I’m half kidding here.  For deeply personal reasons, insights, and (yes) intention, this year Seth and I have being following the strings tugging at our hearts to start a family.  Along came some medical/health blips, solidifying the direction of “alternative” treatments for endometriosis.  Ten months of 2011 have been filled with lots of physical pain but also with massage therapy, physical therapy, and now leading us into 2012 with starting naturopathy. This is great timing (note the positive spin here) because I’m at my prime in health.  We have such faith in God’s plan for us and our future family.  So far, Seth and me and Po make three. (7) One focal trigger for this (no, not my age), is watching my dear Shannon bring Mikayla into the world.  Words in a blog cannot encompass the grounding effect our friendship has had and has on me. That moment when opening up to Shannon about my “baby issues,” and her later gently, intentionally, sisterly, pushed Mikayla on me while she was fussing (nay, crying).  Her words are now etched on my heart, permanently changing me.  Shannon, “Your okay.” Me, “Yes, you are little one.”  Shannon, “I was talking to you.”  My dear friend lost her mother this year and that pain changes a person like, unfortunately, each of us will experience someday if we haven’t all ready.  Vicarious pain is real.  Family isn’t defined by time, DNA, distance.  (8) 2011 was also marked with a reflection on friendships.  Our lives have been deepened by the people in our lives (old and new).  I’m glad to say that we really haven’t changed much: young, fun, curious, and steady.  Indeed, friendships are reflection of you.  I have enjoyed many more coffee dates than ever, which are so much more than coffee.  As Bethany says, it feeds the soul.  Game nights aren’t about games. Camping isn’t about camping.  Dexter nights are about Dexter (okay, well Dexter is pretty awesome).  5ks aren’t about 5ks. Monthly girls dinner isn’t about dinner.  Bookclubs aren’t just about bookclues.  With busy lives, my friendships have grown deeper around these activities that aren’t just about the activities.  It’s been a magnet for more like minded people. Example: my Team Awesome, Seth’s newly forged FNST.  Awesomeness breeds awesome.  It has been great to connect with persons who have similar drives toward healthful, honest, family-focused, self-improving, genuine, adventurous, encouraging living. Thank you, Reatha, for teaching me "the four agreements” (and so much more).  Thank you, Misty, for teaching me to live in the gray (not black and white) (and so much more).  Can’t believe we gave blood!

My 2011 new years resolution started with making fitness a focal part of my day-in day-out life.  As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, fitness also boils down to self-worth.  Something that was as elusive as a pot of gold growing up.  I’m still growing up.  There is a place in the book of Genesis, and the story of creation that says that God created the material world, including our physical bodies, and pronounced them "very good."  Your body is a "good" and wonderful gift from God.  It is capable of miraculous feats, if properly taken care of.  And with God the Holy Spirit living inside your "temple" how can you not take care of it?  Paul said, "But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection ..." (1Corinthians 9:27).  The key word here is "discipline."  Starting and maintaining a proper diet and exercise program involves more than anything else, discipline and caring enough for yourself.  I’m proud to say that this year I missed only 12 scheduled workout dates.  My most fit, confident, content, healthiest, stress free years of my life.  This flies in the face of my first 30 years of (at times paralyzing) self-doubt, poor self esteem, shyness and lack of confidence.  One thing that rings true about me is my deep rooted thread of oppositional defiance.  Tell me I can’t handle math and I’ll complete pre-calc by my junior year of HS; Tell me that I should have a plan B when applying to University and I’ll graduate with my masters by the age of 24.  I suppose I aimed for this resolution in opposition to the ugly self-doubt I’ve carried with me for so long that I nearly convinced myself that “that just me.”  Through this journey I’ve discovered clarity and concentration, reflection, enjoyment, cleansing, better sleep, decreased anxiety, decreased depression, greater strength/endurance, built confidence in nearly all areas of my life.  Better self image and esteem was simply a bi-product.  It has taught me to be intentional in my choices.  Asking myself “Why am I scheduling this workout?”  “Why am I meeting this friend for coffee?”  “Why do I go to bookclub?”  “Why do I enter all my receipts tracking our spending?”  “Why am I cleaning the house?”  “Why am I canceling this appointment?”  “Why do I post my workout schedule?” That is another blog altogether.  The short answer is self-accountability, if I’m going to say I'm going to do something in life I better follow through, if the girl who failed HS PE and challenged the University on their required PE credit and wouldn’t run unless I was late to class (maybe) can do this – anyone can.

Yes, Virginia, there is purpose and meaning behind new years resolutions and bucketlistings.

I’m not sure what 2012 or 33 years young is gonna bring. But if this year is any indication, I can’t complain.

This year I wish others abundance, challenge, stability, adventure, acceptance, and courage to shine their light by not compromising who they are. 

Our Deepest Fear By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were all meant to shine, as children do.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same

As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

The Blessing of the Animals

Feast Day of Saint Francis of Assisi 

   

I wish I could have taken time off today to take Po to church to get blessed. 

As autumn arrives, people in various places may notice something odd.

A procession of animals, everything from dogs and cats to hamsters and even horses, is led to churches for a special ceremony called the Blessing of Pets.

This custom is conducted in remembrance of St. Francis of Assisi’s love for all creatures.

Francis, whose feast day is October 4th, loved the larks flying about his hilltop town. He and his early brothers, staying in a small hovel, allowed themselves to be displaced by a donkey.

Francis wrote a Canticle of the Creatures, an ode to God’s living things. “All praise to you, Oh Lord, for all these brother and sister creatures.” And there was testimony in the cause for St. Clare of Assisi’s canonization that referred to her little cat! 

That there are today over 62 million cats in the U.S. attests to the continuing affection we have for our furry, feathered or finned friends. We've even had a cat called Socks in the White House. Other popular presidential pets range from Abraham Lincoln’s Fido to Lyndon Johnson’s beagles, named Him and Her. 

For single householders, a pet can be a true companion. Many people arrive home from work to find a furry friend overjoyed at their return. Many a senior has a lap filled with a purring fellow creature. 

The bond between person and pet is like no other relationship, because the communication between fellow creatures is at its most basic. Eye-to-eye, a man and his dog, or a woman and her cat, are two creatures of love. 

No wonder people enjoy the opportunity to take their animal companions to church for a special blessing. Church is the place where the bond of creation is celebrated.

At Franciscan churches, a friar with brown robe and white cord often welcomes each animal with a special prayer. The Blessing of Pets usually goes like this:

“Blessed are you, Lord God, maker of all living creatures. You called forth fish in the sea, birds in the air and animals on the land. You inspired St. Francis to call all of them his brothers and sisters. We ask you to bless this pet. By the power of your love, enable it to live according to your plan. May we always praise you for all your beauty in creation. Blessed are you, Lord our God, in all your creatures! Amen.”

Tonight, Po will get tuna for dinner and a special prayer with us  : )

Love seeks to Heal

This Labor Day weekend I was reminded of just how unboring life is with Seth. We do this thing where we ask random questions to each other. Some are meaningful. "Would your younger self look up to you today?" or "Is there anything you actively avoid thinking about?" Some are not. "If I showed up dressed to the nines, would you go to prom with me today?" "Do you think Po thinks she's OUR parent?" Oh, and my favorite, "Is there anyone else like me?" 

The Creator is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit- Psalm 34:18

Question: Do you know your spouse's greatest pains and fears? Are you aware of the places where their hearts are the most tender and sensitive to touch? Have you truly stopped to listen lately or to ask what they still experience from a certain loss or betrayal they've undergone? Are there sins from the past they cannot seem to move beyond, cannot seem to receive the Creator's forgiveness in ways that truly release them from feeling guilty and ashamed?

I could see how a spouse could grow impatient with how long it's taking the other to deal with some painful matter of the heart. But I find that it's not our job to be timekeeper. In fact, there may be ways Creator can use you to speed up their healing process, to encourage them to keep this from stripping away their ability to enjoy life fully and embrace new opportunities. But the main goal as a loving spouse is to be there, tenderly listening to what they say and how they say it. Loving unconditionally means loving even the parts that are messy and complicated. Christ came to reach out and bring healing to what seems worthless and lost. As his children, we can join Him on this purpose in life. To listen. Heal through listening and being heard.