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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Hello-Goodbye 2011; Hello 2012 and 33 years around the sun

Anniversary

Hello-Goodbye 2011; Hello 2012 and 33 years around the sun

2011 wasn’t the best of years or the worst of years, stamping it as a good year.  Can’t complain about that blessing.  The year started with a juvenile exuberance marked by plunging ourselves into the bay that we have called home since ’09.  I think fondly of the memories Seth and I have created together this year. (1) Our Honeymoon 3.0 in Los Cabos was a dream.  Glassing blowing, snorkeling, and parasailing – oh my!  We often pause and reminisce on our memories from there.  I loved organizing his surprise birthday doing Monkido in the trees and getting dressed up for Halloween.  Look forward to our dance party house cleaning and bumping into each other while making dinner.  Funny/frustrating/mostly funny conversations in relation to Seth’s affinity for old cars. (2) Attending my sister-cousin Adriana’s wedding in Vegas was to the moon wonderful.  I still chuckle when I hear “A letter to the Philippians” at church. (3) Together Seth and I have been regulars as Assumption.  I feel that we have reaped the benefits of humbling ourselves, and opening our hearts.  Nothing compares to witnessing that moment when the scripture has touched our heart right at the moment we needed in a way only the Holy Spirit can do. (4) Starting therapy has also challenged me in reflecting on living intentionally and being gentle with myself.  It’s not easy work.  I believe this has helped me become a better therapist as well. Currently, I’m working on the philosophy of self-compassion (which is different than self-esteem), meditation, and being a human BEing (not a human DOing).  This is another blog altogether. (5) It was with the encouragement of my therapist that I took the plunge and got me the fancy camera I’ve always wanted.  Taking on photography has been tugging at my heart strings for years and now I got to indulge even photographing a friends wedding with the fantastic Daniel and an engagement photo session as well. “Why photography?” because of deeply personal reasons. In short, it has helped me embrace the beauty in others, things, place and … the intention…being more compassionate with myself. (6) Hands down I’m not a “baby” person.  Maybe it has something to do with germs and bodily fluids.  I’m half kidding here.  For deeply personal reasons, insights, and (yes) intention, this year Seth and I have being following the strings tugging at our hearts to start a family.  Along came some medical/health blips, solidifying the direction of “alternative” treatments for endometriosis.  Ten months of 2011 have been filled with lots of physical pain but also with massage therapy, physical therapy, and now leading us into 2012 with starting naturopathy. This is great timing (note the positive spin here) because I’m at my prime in health.  We have such faith in God’s plan for us and our future family.  So far, Seth and me and Po make three. (7) One focal trigger for this (no, not my age), is watching my dear Shannon bring Mikayla into the world.  Words in a blog cannot encompass the grounding effect our friendship has had and has on me. That moment when opening up to Shannon about my “baby issues,” and her later gently, intentionally, sisterly, pushed Mikayla on me while she was fussing (nay, crying).  Her words are now etched on my heart, permanently changing me.  Shannon, “Your okay.” Me, “Yes, you are little one.”  Shannon, “I was talking to you.”  My dear friend lost her mother this year and that pain changes a person like, unfortunately, each of us will experience someday if we haven’t all ready.  Vicarious pain is real.  Family isn’t defined by time, DNA, distance.  (8) 2011 was also marked with a reflection on friendships.  Our lives have been deepened by the people in our lives (old and new).  I’m glad to say that we really haven’t changed much: young, fun, curious, and steady.  Indeed, friendships are reflection of you.  I have enjoyed many more coffee dates than ever, which are so much more than coffee.  As Bethany says, it feeds the soul.  Game nights aren’t about games. Camping isn’t about camping.  Dexter nights are about Dexter (okay, well Dexter is pretty awesome).  5ks aren’t about 5ks. Monthly girls dinner isn’t about dinner.  Bookclubs aren’t just about bookclues.  With busy lives, my friendships have grown deeper around these activities that aren’t just about the activities.  It’s been a magnet for more like minded people. Example: my Team Awesome, Seth’s newly forged FNST.  Awesomeness breeds awesome.  It has been great to connect with persons who have similar drives toward healthful, honest, family-focused, self-improving, genuine, adventurous, encouraging living. Thank you, Reatha, for teaching me "the four agreements” (and so much more).  Thank you, Misty, for teaching me to live in the gray (not black and white) (and so much more).  Can’t believe we gave blood!



My 2011 new years resolution started with making fitness a focal part of my day-in day-out life.  As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, fitness also boils down to self-worth.  Something that was as elusive as a pot of gold growing up.  I’m still growing up.  There is a place in the book of Genesis, and the story of creation that says that God created the material world, including our physical bodies, and pronounced them "very good."  Your body is a "good" and wonderful gift from God.  It is capable of miraculous feats, if properly taken care of.  And with God the Holy Spirit living inside your "temple" how can you not take care of it?  Paul said, "But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection ..." (1Corinthians 9:27).  The key word here is "discipline."  Starting and maintaining a proper diet and exercise program involves more than anything else, discipline and caring enough for yourself.  I’m proud to say that this year I missed only 12 scheduled workout dates.  My most fit, confident, content, healthiest, stress free years of my life.  This flies in the face of my first 30 years of (at times paralyzing) self-doubt, poor self esteem, shyness and lack of confidence.  One thing that rings true about me is my deep rooted thread of oppositional defiance.  Tell me I can’t handle math and I’ll complete pre-calc by my junior year of HS; Tell me that I should have a plan B when applying to University and I’ll graduate with my masters by the age of 24.  I suppose I aimed for this resolution in opposition to the ugly self-doubt I’ve carried with me for so long that I nearly convinced myself that “that just me.”  Through this journey I’ve discovered clarity and concentration, reflection, enjoyment, cleansing, better sleep, decreased anxiety, decreased depression, greater strength/endurance, built confidence in nearly all areas of my life.  Better self image and esteem was simply a bi-product.  It has taught me to be intentional in my choices.  Asking myself “Why am I scheduling this workout?”  “Why am I meeting this friend for coffee?”  “Why do I go to bookclub?”  “Why do I enter all my receipts tracking our spending?”  “Why am I cleaning the house?”  “Why am I canceling this appointment?”  “Why do I post my workout schedule?” That is another blog altogether.  The short answer is self-accountability, if I’m going to say I'm going to do something in life I better follow through, if the girl who failed HS PE and challenged the University on their required PE credit and wouldn’t run unless I was late to class (maybe) can do this – anyone can.
Yes, Virginia, there is purpose and meaning behind new years resolutions and bucketlistings.

I’m not sure what 2012 or 33 years young is gonna bring. But if this year is any indication, I can’t complain.


This year I wish others abundance, challenge, stability, adventure, acceptance, and courage to shine their light by not compromising who they are. 



Our Deepest Fear By Marianne Williamson



Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Your playing small does not serve the world.



There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were all meant to shine, as children do.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.



And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same

As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.


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