Love Lives in Reality

“You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.” John 16:33

Unrealistic expectations lead to a life of disappointment and frustration. Few of us want to accept the fact that life can be hard. Though we see others struggling and hear them tell about their hardships, we think our life and marriage will be different. We hang on to idealistic assumptions about the way our partners will treat us, the kind of house we’ll live in, the good health we’ll always have. We don’t see much point in preparing for disappointment.

I am reminded that Jesus was certainly up-front with His disciples when it came to letting them know what to expect in life. And if we want to avoid the anger/hurt that flows from being disillusioned and exasperated with things – and with people, including our spouse – we will not insist on perfection in them. We will not base on moods on how things are going.  I pray that I better put my confidence on God, who never changes, and choose to be content with a life that can change from one moment to the next.

5 Regrets of the Dying <=== A MUST READ

by Bonnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called "comfort" of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is your life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
The direct link to the nurse who wrote this: http://www.dhammaweb.net/dhamma_news/view.php?id=455

Hello-Goodbye 2011; Hello 2012 and 33 years around the sun

Hello-Goodbye 2011; Hello 2012 and 33 years around the sun

2011 wasn’t the best of years or the worst of years, stamping it as a good year.  Can’t complain about that blessing.  The year started with a juvenile exuberance marked by plunging ourselves into the bay that we have called home since ’09.  I think fondly of the memories Seth and I have created together this year. (1) Our Honeymoon 3.0 in Los Cabos was a dream.  Glassing blowing, snorkeling, and parasailing – oh my!  We often pause and reminisce on our memories from there.  I loved organizing his surprise birthday doing Monkido in the trees and getting dressed up for Halloween.  Look forward to our dance party house cleaning and bumping into each other while making dinner.  Funny/frustrating/mostly funny conversations in relation to Seth’s affinity for old cars. (2) Attending my sister-cousin Adriana’s wedding in Vegas was to the moon wonderful.  I still chuckle when I hear “A letter to the Philippians” at church. (3) Together Seth and I have been regulars as Assumption.  I feel that we have reaped the benefits of humbling ourselves, and opening our hearts.  Nothing compares to witnessing that moment when the scripture has touched our heart right at the moment we needed in a way only the Holy Spirit can do. (4) Starting therapy has also challenged me in reflecting on living intentionally and being gentle with myself.  It’s not easy work.  I believe this has helped me become a better therapist as well. Currently, I’m working on the philosophy of self-compassion (which is different than self-esteem), meditation, and being a human BEing (not a human DOing).  This is another blog altogether. (5) It was with the encouragement of my therapist that I took the plunge and got me the fancy camera I’ve always wanted.  Taking on photography has been tugging at my heart strings for years and now I got to indulge even photographing a friends wedding with the fantastic Daniel and an engagement photo session as well. “Why photography?” because of deeply personal reasons. In short, it has helped me embrace the beauty in others, things, place and … the intention…being more compassionate with myself. (6) Hands down I’m not a “baby” person.  Maybe it has something to do with germs and bodily fluids.  I’m half kidding here.  For deeply personal reasons, insights, and (yes) intention, this year Seth and I have being following the strings tugging at our hearts to start a family.  Along came some medical/health blips, solidifying the direction of “alternative” treatments for endometriosis.  Ten months of 2011 have been filled with lots of physical pain but also with massage therapy, physical therapy, and now leading us into 2012 with starting naturopathy. This is great timing (note the positive spin here) because I’m at my prime in health.  We have such faith in God’s plan for us and our future family.  So far, Seth and me and Po make three. (7) One focal trigger for this (no, not my age), is watching my dear Shannon bring Mikayla into the world.  Words in a blog cannot encompass the grounding effect our friendship has had and has on me. That moment when opening up to Shannon about my “baby issues,” and her later gently, intentionally, sisterly, pushed Mikayla on me while she was fussing (nay, crying).  Her words are now etched on my heart, permanently changing me.  Shannon, “Your okay.” Me, “Yes, you are little one.”  Shannon, “I was talking to you.”  My dear friend lost her mother this year and that pain changes a person like, unfortunately, each of us will experience someday if we haven’t all ready.  Vicarious pain is real.  Family isn’t defined by time, DNA, distance.  (8) 2011 was also marked with a reflection on friendships.  Our lives have been deepened by the people in our lives (old and new).  I’m glad to say that we really haven’t changed much: young, fun, curious, and steady.  Indeed, friendships are reflection of you.  I have enjoyed many more coffee dates than ever, which are so much more than coffee.  As Bethany says, it feeds the soul.  Game nights aren’t about games. Camping isn’t about camping.  Dexter nights are about Dexter (okay, well Dexter is pretty awesome).  5ks aren’t about 5ks. Monthly girls dinner isn’t about dinner.  Bookclubs aren’t just about bookclues.  With busy lives, my friendships have grown deeper around these activities that aren’t just about the activities.  It’s been a magnet for more like minded people. Example: my Team Awesome, Seth’s newly forged FNST.  Awesomeness breeds awesome.  It has been great to connect with persons who have similar drives toward healthful, honest, family-focused, self-improving, genuine, adventurous, encouraging living. Thank you, Reatha, for teaching me "the four agreements” (and so much more).  Thank you, Misty, for teaching me to live in the gray (not black and white) (and so much more).  Can’t believe we gave blood!

My 2011 new years resolution started with making fitness a focal part of my day-in day-out life.  As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, fitness also boils down to self-worth.  Something that was as elusive as a pot of gold growing up.  I’m still growing up.  There is a place in the book of Genesis, and the story of creation that says that God created the material world, including our physical bodies, and pronounced them "very good."  Your body is a "good" and wonderful gift from God.  It is capable of miraculous feats, if properly taken care of.  And with God the Holy Spirit living inside your "temple" how can you not take care of it?  Paul said, "But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection ..." (1Corinthians 9:27).  The key word here is "discipline."  Starting and maintaining a proper diet and exercise program involves more than anything else, discipline and caring enough for yourself.  I’m proud to say that this year I missed only 12 scheduled workout dates.  My most fit, confident, content, healthiest, stress free years of my life.  This flies in the face of my first 30 years of (at times paralyzing) self-doubt, poor self esteem, shyness and lack of confidence.  One thing that rings true about me is my deep rooted thread of oppositional defiance.  Tell me I can’t handle math and I’ll complete pre-calc by my junior year of HS; Tell me that I should have a plan B when applying to University and I’ll graduate with my masters by the age of 24.  I suppose I aimed for this resolution in opposition to the ugly self-doubt I’ve carried with me for so long that I nearly convinced myself that “that just me.”  Through this journey I’ve discovered clarity and concentration, reflection, enjoyment, cleansing, better sleep, decreased anxiety, decreased depression, greater strength/endurance, built confidence in nearly all areas of my life.  Better self image and esteem was simply a bi-product.  It has taught me to be intentional in my choices.  Asking myself “Why am I scheduling this workout?”  “Why am I meeting this friend for coffee?”  “Why do I go to bookclub?”  “Why do I enter all my receipts tracking our spending?”  “Why am I cleaning the house?”  “Why am I canceling this appointment?”  “Why do I post my workout schedule?” That is another blog altogether.  The short answer is self-accountability, if I’m going to say I'm going to do something in life I better follow through, if the girl who failed HS PE and challenged the University on their required PE credit and wouldn’t run unless I was late to class (maybe) can do this – anyone can.

Yes, Virginia, there is purpose and meaning behind new years resolutions and bucketlistings.

I’m not sure what 2012 or 33 years young is gonna bring. But if this year is any indication, I can’t complain.

This year I wish others abundance, challenge, stability, adventure, acceptance, and courage to shine their light by not compromising who they are. 

Our Deepest Fear By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were all meant to shine, as children do.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same

As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

The Blessing of the Animals

Feast Day of Saint Francis of Assisi 

   

I wish I could have taken time off today to take Po to church to get blessed. 

As autumn arrives, people in various places may notice something odd.

A procession of animals, everything from dogs and cats to hamsters and even horses, is led to churches for a special ceremony called the Blessing of Pets.

This custom is conducted in remembrance of St. Francis of Assisi’s love for all creatures.

Francis, whose feast day is October 4th, loved the larks flying about his hilltop town. He and his early brothers, staying in a small hovel, allowed themselves to be displaced by a donkey.

Francis wrote a Canticle of the Creatures, an ode to God’s living things. “All praise to you, Oh Lord, for all these brother and sister creatures.” And there was testimony in the cause for St. Clare of Assisi’s canonization that referred to her little cat! 

That there are today over 62 million cats in the U.S. attests to the continuing affection we have for our furry, feathered or finned friends. We've even had a cat called Socks in the White House. Other popular presidential pets range from Abraham Lincoln’s Fido to Lyndon Johnson’s beagles, named Him and Her. 

For single householders, a pet can be a true companion. Many people arrive home from work to find a furry friend overjoyed at their return. Many a senior has a lap filled with a purring fellow creature. 

The bond between person and pet is like no other relationship, because the communication between fellow creatures is at its most basic. Eye-to-eye, a man and his dog, or a woman and her cat, are two creatures of love. 

No wonder people enjoy the opportunity to take their animal companions to church for a special blessing. Church is the place where the bond of creation is celebrated.

At Franciscan churches, a friar with brown robe and white cord often welcomes each animal with a special prayer. The Blessing of Pets usually goes like this:

“Blessed are you, Lord God, maker of all living creatures. You called forth fish in the sea, birds in the air and animals on the land. You inspired St. Francis to call all of them his brothers and sisters. We ask you to bless this pet. By the power of your love, enable it to live according to your plan. May we always praise you for all your beauty in creation. Blessed are you, Lord our God, in all your creatures! Amen.”

Tonight, Po will get tuna for dinner and a special prayer with us  : )

Love seeks to Heal

This Labor Day weekend I was reminded of just how unboring life is with Seth. We do this thing where we ask random questions to each other. Some are meaningful. "Would your younger self look up to you today?" or "Is there anything you actively avoid thinking about?" Some are not. "If I showed up dressed to the nines, would you go to prom with me today?" "Do you think Po thinks she's OUR parent?" Oh, and my favorite, "Is there anyone else like me?" 

The Creator is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit- Psalm 34:18

Question: Do you know your spouse's greatest pains and fears? Are you aware of the places where their hearts are the most tender and sensitive to touch? Have you truly stopped to listen lately or to ask what they still experience from a certain loss or betrayal they've undergone? Are there sins from the past they cannot seem to move beyond, cannot seem to receive the Creator's forgiveness in ways that truly release them from feeling guilty and ashamed?

I could see how a spouse could grow impatient with how long it's taking the other to deal with some painful matter of the heart. But I find that it's not our job to be timekeeper. In fact, there may be ways Creator can use you to speed up their healing process, to encourage them to keep this from stripping away their ability to enjoy life fully and embrace new opportunities. But the main goal as a loving spouse is to be there, tenderly listening to what they say and how they say it. Loving unconditionally means loving even the parts that are messy and complicated. Christ came to reach out and bring healing to what seems worthless and lost. As his children, we can join Him on this purpose in life. To listen. Heal through listening and being heard.

Love Prays with Abandon

Each meal Seth and I prepare, Seth leads us in prayer. Some prayers are giving thanks, some are prayer requests for each other, for us, and always for others in are lives (and all the homeless kitties - that's Po's prayer). I have caught myself getting impatient sometimes because I want to nom nom nom our meal. I'm reminded of why we pray, how we pray. I paused today to reflect on our prayerful life together.

"Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think..." Ephesians 3:20

Christ came to give us life "in abundance" (John 10:10) because He is a God who is not limited by earthly boundaries. He can multiply loaves and fish until there is full baskets left over. There is no limit to what He can do to fulfill His purpose in your life.

This Truth pushes us to pray with boldness for the success of our marriage (and others' marriages). Go ahead - ASK BIG! Be confident that He bears "anything according to His will" (1 John 5:14) and that nothing prevents Him from doing whatever he desires, no mater how impossible it seems to us.

It is God's will that you and your spouse be totally united in mind and purpose, that you grow together in Him, and that you are enabled to serve Him with freedom and generosity. If you know of something God could do to turn these into realities, don't be afraid to ask. Leave it to Him to decide what is best, but never be left to wonder if "you do not have because you do not ask" (James 4:2).

He has taken care of tomorrow.

INSANITY + p90x: New workout schedule for the next 63 days

Pretty excited to start this workout schedule. Of course, any day can be replaced with other fun physical activity (e.g., running, gym class, rollerblading, basketball, swinging from tress). Here's a great next 2 months!

May-30	May-31	Jun-1	Jun-2	Jun-3	Jun-4	Jun-5
Plymetric Cardio Circuit	Plyometrics	Max Interval Circuit	X Stretch	Core Synergistics	Cardio Power & Resistance	Rest
Day 1	Day 2	Day 3	Day 4	Day 5	Day 6	Day 7
Jun-6	Jun-7	Jun-8	Jun-9	Jun-10	Jun-11	Jun-12
Pure Cardio	Cardio X	Max Interval Plyo	Cardio Recovery	Max Cardio Conditioning	Kenpo X	Rest
		Day 10	Day 11	Day 12	Day 13	Day 14
Jun-13	Jun-14	Jun-15	Jun-16	Jun-17	Jun-18	Jun-19
Plymetric Cardio Circuit	Plyometrics	Max Interval Circuit	Yoga X	Core Synergistics	Cardio Power & Resistance	Rest
Day 15	Day 16	Day 17	Day 18	Day 19	Day 20	Day 21
Jun-20	Jun-21	Jun-22	Jun-23	Jun-24	Jun-25	Jun-26
Pure Cardio & Ab Ripper X	Kenpo X	Max Interval Plyo	Max Recovery	VACATION	VACATION Print Out Workout	VACATION Print Out Workout
Day 22	Day 23	Day 24	Day 25	Day 26	Day 27	Day 28
Jun-27	Jun-28	Jun-29	Jun-30	Jul-1	Jul-2	Jul-3
HONEYMOON 3.0	VACATION Print Out Workout	VACATION Print Out Workout	VACATION	Core Cardio Balance	Core Cardio Balance	Rest
Day 29	Day 30	Day 31	Day 32	Day 33	Day 34	Day 35
Jul-4	Jul-5	Jul-6	Jul-7	Jul-8	Jul-9	Jul-10
Plymetric Cardio Circuit	Plyometrics	Max Interval Circuit	X Stretch	Core Synergistics	Cardio Power & Resistance	Rest
Day 36	Day 37	Day 38	Day 39	Day 40	Day 41	Day 42
Jul-11	Jul-12	Jul-13	Jul-14	Jul-15	Jul-16	Jul-17
Pure Cardio	Cardio X	Max Interval Plyo	Cardio Recovery	Max Cardio Conditioning	Kenpo X	Rest
Day 43	Day 44	Day 45	Day 46	Day 47	Day 48	Day 49
Jul-18	Jul-19	Jul-20	Jul-21	Jul-22	Jul-23	Jul-24
Plymetric Cardio Circuit	Plyometrics	Max Interval Circuit	Yoga X	Core Synergistics	Pure Cardio & Cardio Abs	Rest
Day 50	Day 51	Day 52	Day 53	Day 54	Day 55	Day 56
Jul-25	Jul-26	Jul-27	Jul-28	Jul-29	Jul-30	Jul-31
Cardio Power & Resistance	Cardio X	Max Interval Plyo	Core Cardio & Balance	Cardio X	Kenpo X	Rest
Day 57	Day 58	Day 59	Day 60	Day 61	Day 62	Day 63